Because a friend had done it and suggested I do the same, I recently wrote my obituary.
I feel fine, thanks, and hopefully this will not be used for a few more years.
It was an interesting exercise, and it is probably too long (because I am wordy), but I also wrote instructions to whomever is tasked with taking care of my affairs, giving my permission to edit as he/she sees fit.
And it's not really the point of today's post, but it gives me a good opening. Because in the obituary I wrote, "his favorite hobbies were reading and writing."
And that is true.
The writing is done almost entirely on this blog since 2008 and, since 2011, in a column I write for a local publication. I've posted some of those pieces here from time to time.
I have a column due every week, but here's the thing: I am not employed by this publication, nor do I have anything other than an oral agreement with the founder and editor who has not been there for a number of years now.
Although I would notify my current editor by email if I were going to skip a week, I don't think she would send an email asking where my column is if I failed to do so. In fact, if I never sent another column, I'm not sure she would wonder about it.
The person who started the publication (circa 2009) was a former columnist and reporter for our big city newspaper, focusing on the county where she lived (and where I live).
She got downsized/laid off, after which she started a blog, extending her column from her former employer and covering news around the area. She took on a partner, and the blog morphed into an online newspaper.
It caught on. Having previously worked from their homes, they rented office space. They began to sell advertising and they added some local reporters and columnists.
From the time I was a child, I loved columnists, especially the Everyman, observer and humorous types.
I knew of the person who started the publication, but I did not know her personally. It so happened, however, that her son and my daughter were friends, and had worked together at a local children's gym.
So, I sent her an email and introduced myself, referencing the connection with her son and my daughter. I congratulated her on her new venture and told her I thought her publication was missing one vital component -- me. I told her I thought I would be a good columnist. I referred her to my blog (this one) for a writing sample.
She soon replied and thanked me for writing, but said she had a full complement of columnists at the time. She said I could submit a guest column from time to time if I so desired and she would consider running them, and if I wanted to cover occasional news, she could possibly give me some assignments if I wanted to do it for the fun of it. (In other words, without pay).
Because of my day job, covering news was not going to happen, but I took her up on her offer of submitting a guest column. Over the next two years, I submitted four and she ran all of them.
By the end of those two years, she had lost a couple of columnists. I had never again mentioned to her that I would like to be a regular, but I thought the time was right again. I sent her another email, touting my qualifications and saying she must agree I can competently put words together, since she had run each of the guest pieces I had submitted.
While her response was a little more positive this time, she told me people were coming out of the woodwork wanting to be columnists. She said thinking I could do it was easy to say, but not as easy to execute. But she said she would keep me in mind. At that point I put it out of my mind and did not submit anymore guest pieces.
About six months went by, and out of the blue one day, she sent another email and asked if I would like to come see her and talk about the possibility of my writing a column. By this time, as I recall, only one of the regular columnists was still with her.
I went in for an "interview" and I left with a column to write the following week. That was 11 years ago this June, and neither she nor her partner ever told me to stop, so I started submitting one every week. The rest is history.
Over the time she was editor, she would give me helpful suggestions and critiques, which I greatly appreciated. After all, she was a veteran newspaper person, and she knew her stuff. She gently suggested my pieces were too long. I took her advice to heart and over time I think my writing became better.
We met in person a couple of times, and she was encouraging. She also complimented me in her own column on occasion. Mostly, though, I would send her my column each week by email, and we rarely spoke.
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At first, I pretty much engaged in storytelling, similar to some of the things I have written here. I wrote a lot about family life, both the one I was still raising at the time and the one I grew up with.
Over time I expanded my subject matter to include commentary on local issues, as well as the occasional book review, politics (local, state and national), and some pieces on interesting people. But to this day I also still tell stories, which is what readers seem to enjoy the most.
I get good feedback from those readers -- not a lot, but enough to keep me going. A few months ago, one of them read my column on the book "The Moviegoer" by Walker Percy, and asked if I would like to meet him and discuss it.
Turns out he had written his master's thesis on Percy and was thrilled to find another English nerd to discuss him with. We met for a beer and had a great time.
As I tell anyone who asks, it's a labor of love. I thoroughly enjoy doing it.
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After two or three years (I can't remember the exact timing), the original editor and founder sold out to her partner. I knew nothing of this until I read about it in the publication. Again, I'm not an employee or even a contractor, so they owe me no advance notice about anything.
The surviving partner served as my editor for perhaps a year or so, until she assumed the role of publisher. After that, I went through several editors. I received very little feedback and never met any of them personally. I continued to send my column by email on Friday, and it would run on Monday.
Except when it didn't. Sometimes it would not show up on Monday. I might send an email asking the editor about it, and he/she would apologize, and go ahead and run it, or tell me sorry, we'll run it next week.
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A couple of years ago, the partner who bought out my original editor sold to a publishing company that owns some other publications in the area. She stayed with them until late last year, when she retired.
I had the same editor for about two years, but she left about a month ago. For the first three columns I submitted to my latest editor, things ran smoothly. But the column I submitted last Friday was not posted Monday.
And I decided not to say anything about it. Tomorrow, when I submit my column for this Monday, I'll tell her last week's piece never ran and I would like to know if there is a problem. I'm almost certain there is not, that it was another oversight, but I would like to make my point.
The fact is, I now write a column for a publication owned by a publishing company. I don't know any of the people and they don't know me. I am not an employee, and we operate, I suppose, under an assumed agreement based on the one I made with the original editor and founder some 11 years ago.
I say all this not to complain, as nobody owes me anything, but to summarize where things stand. I still enjoy writing the column, but I don't want to spend the time writing it if I can't count on it being posted.
Sometimes I think I need to establish a more formal arrangement, but I also don't want to call attention to myself and have someone think I'm not worth the trouble.
It's been a fun ride for nearly 11 years. It's anybody's guess if there are still years to go.
13 comments:
Been there. I think that the thing that bothered me most was that it simply wasn't discussed. I had an understanding with the two previous editors, and was doing things with that understanding. However, when a new editor came on board, he wanted things done differently, but never bothered to communicate that. After 13 years, I was not important enough to rate a meeting or at least a phone call. That will always bother me.
PS: All that being said, I probably would have chosen to end the gig anyway. The fact that the decision was theirs, not mine, stings.
Thanks Debby. The fact is it’s a lot more important to me than to them. I’ve worked long enough to know I shouldn’t take things like this personally. This is not my livelihood; it’s a hobby (one I really enjoy). But it’s their business. So what do I do? I take it personally. But then I’ll move on.
I thought about something similar more than once in my life but I just never could bring myself to proceed. Mostly I worry that my middle of the road ideologies would only ruffle the feathers of all those that I consider my friends and I would be kept on the outside of social circles. Perhaps if I lived in a more urban environment where I might be more anonymous, it would be a different story.
From time to time when I think about it, I do drop in and read some of your stories and I have always enjoyed them.
Thanks, Ed. As to your comments, I run with a pretty conservative crowd, more conservative than I am. When I first started writing the column, a fair amount of local friends read it and would comment to me from time to time. I’ve noticed over the past few years they don’t say anything any longer and I’m pretty sure they no longer read it. I have a strong hunch this coincides with Trump
being elected and my boldness in my writing as to my feelings about him. I have readers I don’t know who both agree and disagree with me and I’m great with that. I’ve had some wonderful, respectful email exchanges with them. But it seems my friends don’t want to talk about it.
Thanks, Bob. I really enjoyed learning the background on your newspaper "career". You've loved writing (and newspapers) from a very early age, so I know it's been a rewarding experience for you. I bet there would be many readers who would miss your column if it were to stop. I hope for your sake it continues as long as you want it to.
I wrote my will years ago and have updated it several times. It's extremely short and to the point.
Kelly, for a modest price, I'll be happy to beef up your obituary . . .
Hahaha! 😂
This was very interesting to read. I've always wondered how people come to write regular columns in our local newspaper. And why they'd sometimes just disappear. And someone else would appear. Or some will go months without a column, and then show up again. Not that your experience necessarily explains the situation here, but I'm guessing the arrangements may be similar. I used to think it would be fun to write a column (about what, I haven't a clue, just the idea sounded fun). But then a friend of mine started writing for a monthly supplement to our newspaper (I don't think that supplement exists anymore), and while I believe it was a valuable experience, it changed my sense about how fun the idea sounded. OTOH, I can see how if you're the one doing the writing and getting published, that would be very rewarding. I totally get that. Thanks for the behind the scenes peek into the newspaper publishing world.
Now... I think it would be interesting to read more about your experience writing your own obituary.
Thanks Becki … had a pleasant exchange with my editor this past Friday and she was apologetic for not running last week’s column. In fact she posted it Friday afternoon. I didn’t go into the fact it has happened from time to time over the past 11 years. But for now it seems I still have the gig and I’ll keep going.
As I said, a friend told me about writing his obituary, so I decided to do it. I don’t plan to share it with anyone (his was part of a men’s group or Bible study he’s a part of in which they all wrote them and shared them; I’m not that open or transparent) but will put it in an envelope labeled as my obituary and whoever is charged with handling my final affairs can use it or not — I won’t be here to boss anyone around! 😊
Wow, 11 years is a long time and a lot of column. I had a once every 4 week column for a little over 2 years--it felt it was a big commitment, but enjoyed doing it.
I like the idea of writing an obituary. A few years ago, my dad had me write one for him and my mom (she was alive but deep into Alzheimer's at the time). It was a fun project, but it was cut way down for the newspaper (which.I knew would be done as both were about 400 words, which is a small fortune to have in the newspaper). Maybe I'll write my own.
Thanks Jeff. I think newspapers charging (per word!) to run obituaries is a fairly new thing, part of the way they're trying to make money any way possible. I wrote them for both of my in-laws in Nov. 2020. After my FIL passed away, my MIL asked if I would write his. She was willing to pay for a lengthy tribute. Only 13 days later, she died, and one of the last things she asked was that I write her obit. I was honored to do it, and we happily paid up. I confess some vanity in writing my own, and probably speaks to my control issues! But as I told another reader, I won't be around to force anyone to use it! :-)
Bob, I didn't really expect that you'd want to share what you'd written, but maybe what you gleaned from the process of doing it. Until your comment, it didn't occur to me that it would be available for your family after you pass to possibly use. I thought the exercise might have been about exploring what one hopes can be said of their life after they die and in doing that exercise, examining if the life being lived coincides.
Aside from that, the idea of writing some facts down for family left behind sounds like a great idea. Having shared the task of inputting into my parents' and a brother's obituary, I know the task can feel daunting, and details missed when doing this in the midst of grief, or shock of an unexpected death. You've given me something to think about. And maybe write down. :)
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